Ep 84 - Challenging the System: A Journey from HR Exec to Sexual Wellness CEO

Have you ever wondered what it takes to break free from the suffocating grip of corporate patriarchy and redefine your life's mission? Amber Simon did just that when she transitioned from being a high-ranking HR executive in the conservative financial sector to the fearless CEO of Quivr, a luxury adult sexual wellness brand. Amber's journey is nothing short of inspiring, as she courageously stepped away from an unfulfilling marriage and a toxic work environment to advocate for women's sexual empowerment.

Amber's story is a poignant reminder of the societal neglect surrounding female pleasure and the dire need for comprehensive sexual education. Imagine realizing, after 17 years of marriage, that you have never experienced an orgasm. Amber opens up about this deeply personal epiphany and discusses the widespread misunderstandings about female anatomy—such as the difference between the vulva and the vagina. This part of the episode underscores the critical importance of women understanding their own bodies and advocating for their pleasure, free from shame or judgment.

The challenges don't end there. Amber, a non-technical Black woman, faces formidable obstacles in securing venture capital for her innovative sexual wellness app. With Black women receiving less than 0.27% of venture funds, Amber's fight for equity is a testament to her determination and vision. This episode explores the societal conditioning that discourages women from taking bold steps in entrepreneurship and emphasizes the need to support initiatives that celebrate women's sexual wellness. Join us and be inspired by Amber's mission and learn how you can participate in this transformative journey.

More about Amber:  Amber Joy, CEO and Founder of QUIVR, is a trailblazer in women’s pleasure and intimacy education. A former Human Resources executive; Amber understood a “typical” corporate career was no longer bringing her joy and understood it was time for a pivot. Amber's journey reshaped her life’s mission of bridging the gap between a comprehensive pleasure education and the need to do so in an empowering, woman-focused community. Under her leadership, QUIVR has become a sanctuary for those seeking to enrich their understanding of intimacy and pleasure, making education accessible and relatable for the busy woman seeking pleasure as a lifestyle.
https://quivr.global/
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Transcript

Mia Voss: 0:04

Hey, welcome to the latest episode of Shit. We Don't Talk About the podcast that takes on topics that need more open and honest discussion, which means some of these topics are triggering. So please take care when listening and I'll always give you a trigger warning. For instance, here's one Every episode contains swear words. You've been warned. Make sure to check out the show notes, which include an accessibility transcript of the podcast and all of the links for our guests at shitwedonttalkaboutpodcastcom. My guest today is Amber Simon, a former HR executive and now CEO and founder of Quiver, a luxury adult sexual wellness brand. Our discussion includes startups, sexuality, hr and corporate life. What a mix right Tune in. It gets good. Here we go. It gets good, here we go. Hi Amber, hi Mia. Let's talk about sex baby.

Amber Simon: 1:13

Let's talk about you and me.

Mia Voss: 1:14

I don't think that'll get us kicked off for any sort of like can't play that song, Our version of it. If it's really bad, then it won't be a problem. I think that's when they don't ding you. That didn't sound good. I think we did, and that is what we're going to talk about today. So excited to you know. I love the title of this podcast the Shit we Don't Talk About. Obviously, sexuality is talked about, but it is talked about poorly when it comes to women.

Amber Simon: 1:43

Yes, that's why you're on the show today. All the rainbow, all the things that go into it, the involvement, all of it. Yes.

Mia Voss: 1:51

Well, if you look at the background, the bio that I posted for Amber, you'll see that she has a very, very different background and start to her business career than what she's doing right now, which is another reason why I wanted to have you on here, because I love the journey where you can go from following what everyone says you're supposed to do right and what was like made sense and it still could if you ever decide to go back to it. However, going from HR in the financial world to now uh, to to sex toys, sex women's sexuality and a new app that you're launching, it's incredible.

Amber Simon: 2:26

Yes, yes, it's been a bit of a history. It's an interesting one. So, yes, I started out as a little human resource. I actually followed in my dad's footsteps. My dad was a chief human resources officer. He was head of HR, vp of HR, all the HR things. And, being the good daughter, I want to do what dad does and I enjoyed my upbringing. I went to Disney World almost every year of my life, multiple vacations, and went to Europe very early and traveled and did all the things I always wanted to do. So I figured it would pay the bills and that's what I did and quickly discovered that HR wasn't sexy.

Mia Voss: 3:08

Not a bit, in fact, it's quite messy.

Amber Simon: 3:11

It's like the opposite of sexy. In fact, if you're sexy at work, it ends up being a thing which is like another one of my high horses but we can talk about that later which actually will get you sent to HR. Right, and I'm like I think you look good.

Mia Voss: 3:25

Girl who cares about dress codes, but you know why I wasn't sure how long were you in that industry and I did not know that about your, your, your family background. That's so interesting that that becomes the uh, the family business to get into.

Amber Simon: 3:39

The family hall monitors, but right.

Mia Voss: 3:44

Yes.

Amber Simon: 3:45

I love that Working was working in the financial industry and I did a lot of different things. I mean I was in healthcare, some early startup situations, but mainly spent the last decade in the financial industry, in mortgage servicing, the financial industry in mortgage servicing and credit unions and banks. And if you've ever worked in that industry before, you know that it's very old school, good old boys. But no, I mean my last role, the CFO was arguing with me about the dress code because I was like why can't we just allow adults to be adults and dress themselves appropriately? And my contention was that the old dress code still referred to culottes. I was like, can you spell it?

Mia Voss: 4:36

Okay, now that's something that my generation literally knows Like. That is such a boomer Elder Gen X they said culottes, shut up.

Amber Simon: 4:45

I was like culottes, come on, do we really need to reference culottes in our dress code? Were they pro or anti-culotte?

Mia Voss: 4:56

They were anti I was going to say A hard no, no pun intended, that's what she said Hard no on the culottes. Hard no, I mean you're talking about when you're initially saying that you know what you're, that the arenas that you're in, I was like I'm getting sleepy and then, when you mentioned, of course, like what that looks like of the CFOs and it is dusty, musty and white. I and male yeah, or female yeah, it's true, Jessica. Sorry, not sorry.

Amber Simon: 5:30

Right, I'm not sorry. I'd tell her today if I'd see her.

Mia Voss: 5:35

Like how I assumed it was a male, though.

Amber Simon: 5:38

I know, but let me shut up. I will just say sometimes and it's unfortunate I think our comfort zone is to subscribe to that patriarchy right. I mean, I even had to tell her I was like I'm not going to write a dress code that says no visible tattoos my arms and if it's 80 degrees out, 80, 90 degrees outside, I'm not wearing a turtleneck to work. I'm sorry. Welcome to 2022.

Mia Voss: 6:08

Right. How interesting that that's still that archaic thinking thought process. And quite frankly, again, I assumed initially it was a male. But again I think females can be subscribing to the patriarchy, to the colonial mindset, because it is a comfort level and if you're thinking that's the only way you're going to get ahead, I mean, that's what you, that's what you do.

Amber Simon: 6:31

Right, absolutely, absolutely. Because straight straight out of college I know that was my mindset I was very buttoned up. I need to look like this every day, and then slowly progressed into this. Like this is no-transcript, nothing to do with how my brain operates, right.

Mia Voss: 7:14

You're so right. And what an odd way to operate in this world to say, like you just said, that does not keep my brain from working. Well, that I'm tattooed, that I have a short sleeve on, that I have a little bit more of a tighter shirt on. I can't imagine, which is why I'd make a terrible employee, and I have since 1999.

Amber Simon: 7:39

But I knew I was becoming a terrible employee, though that was the thing.

Mia Voss: 7:42

Yeah.

Amber Simon: 7:43

I knew it, because I no longer cared, const, I knew it because I no longer cared to subscribe to the crap. And she called a meeting with myself and the CEO and was like-.

Mia Voss: 7:52

Your ears are burning right now. By the way she's at home going. I feel weird.

Amber Simon: 7:56

I hope they are. But it was really like then the conversation was you're a beautiful woman and your body is distracting, and so how you show up and I'm like, are you serious? Like I had on a dress that I had worn so many times in other organizations that never, I mean, it was like you're just dressed and I wish I could run to my closet right now and go grab this dress, because you guys would all laugh Because it was so. Was it form fitting? Yes, but it wasn't form fitting.

Amber Simon: 8:27

And like I'm not even going to make an excuse, it was form fitting but it wasn't like I was getting ready to in all respect to sex workers, but that's not what I was getting ready to do. I was fully conscious of the notion that I was the head of HR, so, yes, I know how to dress myself, of the notion that I was the head of HR, so, yes, I know how to dress myself. So, whether or not you were distracted by my body, I I knew and still know that that was not my problem, that was her problem, and I'll leave that alone because I don't want to body shame anyone. But I will say that was her problem, not mine, so right, right and it.

Mia Voss: 9:01

It is really interesting that you can get into that mind state. The normalization is you are absolutely responsible for how other people are responding to your body, and that is really out there for centuries. It's even stronger now, I feel like, than it has been. I mean, I really feel like we've gone backwards in the last-.

Amber Simon: 9:22

Well, we really have, because we now feel like we have permission to tell someone else how to manage their person, their body. And then I started thinking even more and more about I took two weeks off to go get. I don't have any secrets. I went and had plastic surgery, but I wasn't telling them that it was none of their business, and so I took two weeks off. We had unlimited PTO. Them that it was none of their business, and so I took two weeks off. We had unlimited PTO. I had never taken two weeks off in a row and it just about killed her that I wouldn't tell her what my surgery was. So she texted me a day after my surgery. I'm in Atlanta laying flat on my stomach because I couldn't sit on my butt, because I got my butt done. And she texted me. I was like don't forget to bring back your clearance to work. And I'm like but I, I'm, it's, as far as you know, I'm on vacation, so why would I need a clearance for work?

Mia Voss: 10:09

Man, I have a feeling this is as we progress in, in telling your story. This, this has got to be. Was this your hissy fit moment? We were talking in the green room.

Amber Simon: 10:17

Beforehand that I was about two months away from my hissy fit moment, she led up to it.

Mia Voss: 10:27

But again that that lack of sovereignty or the theft of sovereignty of you know what it is we can't and can't do Now. I grew up in the corporate world in the eighties and nineties, kind of in that like working girl timeframe in.

Mia Voss: 10:38

New York and literally worked at companies I worked at at uh, I was in commercial insurance for a long time and then actually worked at MasterCard for a bit just was going off and doing stints. I love curiosity of trying new things, but let me tell you that was back in the day absolutely no pants whatsoever. This is New York City, late 80s, early 90s. You know pantyhose, I mean all these requirements type of thing, and as much as we think there is some freedom to it hearing you say this of only a short two years ago because it's now 2024, you were having conversations with people about the appropriateness of sleeves, dress.

Amber Simon: 11:17

It was an organization that wasn't profitable. I feel like the CFO and the CEO should be having other conversations and now that I'm a CEO like a real one.

Mia Voss: 11:34

Right, you know what it is. Can I touch on that for a second? I think that is so interesting. Wait, hang on a second, ma'am. My kitty has decided this is a cardinal mistake that I just made was not blocking her toys in the bathroom, because she loves she's a nine pound soaking wet and loves to drag things up the stairs. You know this is what happens when it's your own show. You can have your cat making a ruckus in the background. Anyway, just that idea and I know that one of the reasons why it's so important what you're doing now with Quiver and the pink cookie and we'll get into that is because of these conversations is why, in the wide world of sports, is it important for you to police what I'm wearing, said, who I sleep with, how I identify whether I had an abortion or not? Because, yeah, I'm going to go there, like, how is that important to business or your personal life? That type of thing? Oof Right, big fat zero.

Amber Simon: 12:36

If I had an abortion an hour before I went to my office? Am I right? How would you know? And even if I told you, even if I made an announcement, does that now make the same brain that you essentially purchased right Any different from the brain that you didn't know went and had an abortion an hour ago? It doesn't. It's the same brain. I didn't switch them out.

Mia Voss: 13:01

Yeah, still the same who I was sleeping with this morning, whether that was just me, but me, myself and I or the whole thing. But again, so sovereignty, power autonomy, bodily autonomy. Being able to make these decisions is so important.

Amber Simon: 13:19

Absolutely, absolutely, and understanding and recognizing that whatever it is that a woman is doing in her private life, even in her outside life, again has nothing to do. And here's how you know, because I only went into the office once a week, once a week so I could be at home working and absolutely nothing from the waist down. And you wouldn't know, because the email that I sent you with all the information you requested is still going to be the same information, regardless if I'm sitting in my pants or if I'm sitting in my drawers.

Mia Voss: 13:56

Right, Right, I could be snatched out jamming out with my clan out right, and how in the world would you know? So I mean, so I do love that. And let's transition then to then how you did make the jump out of this corporate world and decided. I don't want to be in corporate. I want to talk about. I want to focus on sexuality.

Amber Simon: 14:20

Yep. So I really did feel myself going to a place that was like this sucks. I really don't like it, because I don't know now if I want to play the game. I don't want to, and this particular organization was contemplating a merger and I knew it wasn't going to work out the way that they thought it would be and I was vocal about it. But I was allowed to at least I thought I was allowed to because of my position, which I quickly learned. I wasn't allowed to, and it didn't matter what position, what title. I held right, we need you to get on board, we need you to cheerlead us, and I decided that wasn't going to be for me because, at the end of the day, what they were going to roll out in terms of people, I wasn't going to stamp my name on because I felt it was wrong.

Amber Simon: 15:03

So for me, it was really a matter of November 22nd 2022. I have two options I can either stay here and live under the tyranny, which I already knew wasn't going to work for me, because I was already miserable. I was already tired of the corporate speak. I was already tired of the empty promises. I was already tired of being questioned about things that I knew were right, in an organization that continuously did the wrong things and was still not profitable. So for me it was like where's the harm in trying something a little bit differently? And once I figured out that wasn't going to happen and it was never going to change, no matter where I was at, I knew then it was time to create my own lane, and my history was that I was married for 17 years and in those 17 years I never had an orgasm with my partner with my ex-husband.

Amber Simon: 15:58

And so yeah, 17 long your orgasm, your pleasure, and I'm not going to just say orgasm, because you can find pleasure in many things Didn't matter, it wasn't important.

Mia Voss: 16:10

And I'm envisioning that gal from the beginning of Titanic when she's like it was 80. It was 81 years, it was 17 years. That's a long time to go without. I mean not that you went without, but I mean with your partner. That's such an important, key conversation as far as even relationships and right yeah.

Amber Simon: 16:35

Things that we like program ourselves to believe are true. It never, it never occurred to me, mia, that my orgasm mattered. It never occurred to me that my pleasure mattered. I always thought orgasms were like I know this is going to sound insane, especially coming from me now, but I always thought orgasms were something that women talked about but nobody was really having, and that's because I hadn't had one. And I'm like I have three kids. So I've had plenty of sex, I've had plenty of opportunities, but what I know now is that I was just having sex. I wasn't indulging in pleasure and I wasn't having sex in the way that was beneficial for me and for my partner. Right, there was no philosophy in terms of everyone here enjoys this moment and so and I don't blame that on him because I allowed that I am in charge of my own pleasure. But if you don't know that that's the thing, then it's hard to like bring it to the surface and say that was cute, but I didn't get mine. So what else are we going to do here?

Mia Voss: 17:43

Completely not empowered societally.

Mia Voss: 17:46

Yes, there's a ton of conversation and we could make a joke about these magazine covers and Cosmo, take the quiz type of thing, but again there has been no education. I mean, talk about like just shit we don't talk about. There's so many things. I want to bring up something that I know you pointed out in your presentations and your pitches for funding of, I think, that conversation about sitting around a bunch of intelligent women and literally realizing that most of us haven't even gotten the difference between say it, between what, my vagina and my vulva.

Amber Simon: 18:23

But in my pitch I'm always like I don't know. I didn't know the difference between my vulva and my belly button. Which is true, I was sitting and I'll just tell you guys really quickly. I was sitting at a dinner for one of my girlfriend's birthdays and this is a table full of badass women, all highly educated, all of the letters, all of the titles, you name it. We had it sitting at that table and one of us was like something, something my vulva, and I remember like the rest of her story continued and I was stuck on like what's the difference, yeah, between my vulva and my vagina. And then I finally like worked up the nerve, like fuck it, you're the mouthpiece at the table, what's the difference between my vulva and my vagina? And it wasn't like a stop and a kiki, haha moment at amber. It was like girl, I was wondering if somebody was going to ask because I didn't know either.

Amber Simon: 19:13

I was today years old, right, and, mind you, I'm 44 years old.

Amber Simon: 19:17

This wasn't that long ago, so, and then it was in that moment that I was like how in the shit are we all these accomplished women who have it all together in all of these other spaces, and then you start peeling back the layers and the most fundamental thing that we're entitled to, which is pleasure we weren't really having it in an informed way, and if we were having it, we just kind of got there right Maybe, and didn't realize that there was more going on, and so I started putting two and two together Like my work, life sucks, which consequently means when I get home my fuse is about this big, because I also know I have to hurry up, make dinner, run kids here, run kids there and this isn't every woman's story, but it was my story and relationships with men.

Amber Simon: 20:06

Because I am a heterosexual woman, my relationships with men were very like what can you do for me? Because if you can't hurry up and get this done for me, I don't want to be bothered with you, because I can pay my own bills, I can do all these things. So if you're not here to fuck me and make me happy, then you can keep moving, because I don't have time for this. But I realized that I still wasn't getting pleasure in that.

Mia Voss: 20:29

Yeah.

Amber Simon: 20:30

Right.

Mia Voss: 20:30

Because we're not even giving, and rightly so, because the world is exhausting. It takes out that moment to give anyone any moment of grace, except for what he got going on right now. Yeah, and again. Also, as a heterosexual woman and we talked about this before, but I'll pop this comment in here as well One of my ways when I first learned that as well was, of course, you know, we all got to know the showerhead and all these different ways, so nothing was ever a conversation. And back in, I think, like 2010, I was trying out different businesses. You know the downturn had happened, so we're all trying these different ways of bringing in income.

Mia Voss: 21:16

So I was doing one of those. It wasn't one of the sex toy companies. We need to do the presentations and so forth and again, kiki ha ha and a lot of that and it's all cute. But I really noticed this very depressing pattern and when you would have people come in and into the ordering room at the end because it's private and you're not going to, some people would be okay with saying into the ordering room at the end because you know it's private and you're not going to some people. Some people would be okay with saying I'll take you know, to the extra large and the whole thing.

Mia Voss: 21:42

That's all good too, but the the I had every walk of life and age of women, women that were in their fifties or sixties that were asking these tentative questions, and and then one young girl, that, who was just like well you know, speaking about having anal sex, but not because it's what she liked, but that her boyfriend had told her. I mean, that's an extreme and that was. I was irritated as hell, it's not unusual.

Mia Voss: 22:10

Ma'am, it's not, it really wasn't. It broke my heart. Actually, it broke my heart to see all these different age ranges of just absolute lack of information. I'm not going to say ignorance, I'm going to say lack of information and the ability to learn the we're not given the permission or even that. You know, shame is such a pervasive thing with women when it comes to sexuality.

Amber Simon: 22:33

Shame always ends up being the number one thing period. Even if you are fortunate enough in your life to never had a sexual trauma, shame, regardless of any type of trauma, always takes precedence because you have to think about what shame actually is. Shame could be a matter of I am ashamed to raise my hand and say what's the difference between my vulva and my vagina? I am ashamed that I will be judged in fear of judgment ends up being my vagina. I am ashamed that I will be judged in fear of judgment ends up being number two, right? I'm afraid that I'll be judged if I walk into this sex shop and say I want a butt plug for me, not because my guy wants it, or my girlfriend wants it, or whatever the situation looks like.

Mia Voss: 23:13

This is my thing.

Amber Simon: 23:14

This is my thing. I am ashamed or I'm fear walking into a burlesque show because they're cool and they're fun and they're entertaining. But what will people think? I am ashamed or I fear, right, and maybe it's just finding information. I always tell people my first I think I told you this, mia like my first dive into. I'm like, okay, I'm going to take control and I'm going to get some information. And I tried to go to this class and this is not a shameful moment, right but I wasn't ready because the signs on the window was like we had naked yoga later and then it was like sex 101, kink 101. And it was immediately they were talking about fisting. I was like this is not 101. I don't know what this thing is this is 1,005.

Amber Simon: 24:04

I'm like I don't know what. That is Right. So where can I? How do you get up? Cause I finally just said, fuck it, I'm just going to ask, I'm going to find out, I'm going to dive in, but then what is it about the rest of us that holds us back and that's kind of like where Quiver came from. How do I offer women an experience and that they can privately learn if they choose to, or engage in our community? Because we have sister circles, and I'll just give my little spill here that when women what we're doing right now, mia, when we talk about our pleasure lives, our sex lives out loud, we see a marked improvement in under two weeks. So unless we're feeling extremely safe in the environment we're in, we may not get the opportunity to say hey, mia, have you ever tried anal? And if so, how do you get started with that? Do I need to If you don't have that space?

Mia Voss: 24:57

we don't know.

Amber Simon: 24:57

Yeah, you really don't.

Mia Voss: 24:59

Yeah, there's absolutely no way. And again, that was just so interesting to see these light bulbs go on. But then these conversations come up where there was a quiet space, where and I was so pleased to create a safe space to have that conversation. But again, this was, you know, 15 years ago and it and it still is pervasive.

Mia Voss: 25:17

And when I've talked with you about Quiver and the work that you're doing, I've really kind of taken that alongside of my journey right now of really falling down the rabbit hole of menopause and the absolute lack of support, information, I mean, when you start talking to people and I feel like it's a very similar way that it that starts to light up with of somewhat whispered, somewhat kind of you know, quiet, and then like what is it what? And and I would say you know, and this is why I love what you're doing as well too, because one of the biggest lessons that uh, or the, the aha moments that I got when I finally started figuring out I was in paramenopause was the was the painful sex. It had never been a thing for me and that was quite kind of shaming and gosh. It was a humbling thing to be able to, because I equated it and I talked to you about this too. I equated that with something's wrong with me, that I'm not liking this as much.

Amber Simon: 26:19

I literally did not even put it together of the pain portion of it, but just more of this mental thing it's a natural thing that happens to all of us yeah Right, god willing, we make it long enough to make it to menopause, so, and you're right. But I think again we start going back to like how society talks about women's anatomy. You know, I like Cardi B, I'm not ashamed to say it, but WAP, I feel like was like damn it, girl. So now we've got like this whole generation out here who thinks like, if my pussy ain't wet, yeah, then it's not. It, I've either lost value or I'm not excited. And here's the thing I could be so turned on and it's just not as wet as it used to be. I'm 44. Yeah, right, and so, and there's nothing wrong. But we don't know that, because all we hear is oh, I'm a pussy's wet and a pussy, and the pussy is wet and it's wet, and it's wet and it's wet. So that's a good pussy. Well, if it's not wet, is it a bad pussy, right?

Mia Voss: 27:22

Right, yeah, you get all these the judgmental like.

Amber Simon: 27:27

About the atrophy. So now if my, if my vagina has a little bit of atrophy, like is it broken? What's going on? And you may not take that to your doctor, Right? Because I mean fear, Like the lack of information now becomes, I guess I just don't have a pleasurable sex life anymore.

Mia Voss: 27:49

It's really true and sorry. I just was. I have seen the Issa Rae series Insecure Insecure when she does the rap song Broken pussy and secure when she she does the rap song broken pussy. I was literally just in my head and her friends so mad, like why didn't you just do a rap song about my who? Like leave it alone. And I want to segue just for a second too. I've been reading this book called word slut. Okay.

Mia Voss: 28:18

And it is. I I'm going to highly recommend it. It is so informative, it's all about the linguistics and it's just. It's. The title is A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language. Yeah, it would pair so well with what you're saying because of if you start to see the amount of, if I'm saying right, like pejorative connotations that have been I mean, even even cunt wasn't a bad word like before. It's just all these things of of how they've just gradually gone to things that are are very negative towards women.

Amber Simon: 28:55

And so.

Mia Voss: 28:56

I this this is, I felt, like an important conversation as well, too, of how we talk about that and taking yeah, taking charge of that. So so, yeah, I mean, you just jumped through everything and just decided that you wanted to take charge on doing a brand. That's, that's really positive, yeah.

Amber Simon: 29:14

And I and I really do. I think this is part of where my old HR brain comes back in. I'm like I want us to start thinking about, start thinking beyond sex, because if we just focus on sex, then we don't even get to have good sex. And so for me it was about I was like lacking pleasure in every aspect of my life. I had worked so much and it was so important to make that money I didn't even have time to spend it. So I was spending it on crap because I couldn't go live a pleasurable life. And I realized I'm not telling everybody to go out and quit their job, because this is not a journey I would wish on anybody.

Amber Simon: 29:47

But if you have an inclination to make your own lane, make it, because your pleasure, how you live your life, Quiver is not just about here's all your sex tips and hints. Yeah, that's in there. But are you living a pleasurable life? Are you giving yourself? And I, I even myself this last weekend?

Amber Simon: 30:05

I have an amazing, amazing boyfriend I will toot his horn right now and he told me on Saturday as I was sitting in my bed on my laptop, because I had just gotten home from speaking to a group of MBA students and I was still working and he was like stop be good to yourself.

Amber Simon: 30:24

And I was like you're right, I am not being good to myself right now, Like I'm so deep in this teaching other women how to have pleasure that I had stopped having pleasure again in my own life and it was like it is okay to do mindless activities, it is okay to like take yourself on vacation, it is okay to have a role, and I mean like your profession, your job, your career that doesn't suck your soul. You're not obligated to that organization, you are not. You have the freedom to move around and make your own lane, and so I really hope that Quiver can give women that as well, Like it's not just what's happening in the bedroom, Cause if you're pissed off and you come home from like weird CFO lady into you and you know that you've still got a night ahead of you in terms of being a partner, a mother, a sister, a brother, whatever your situation is, that should not rob you of pleasure, because we have this thing where it's like okay, now I get to go have sex.

Mia Voss: 31:31

I have to go. It's a very tricky, slippery slope.

Mia Voss: 31:34

I would say on that self-care piece as well, because there can be things that the should's gotta have to type of thing. It is super, super tricky and kudos to him for pointing that out. I mean, that's just letting us know that all of us have to take some stock and take a step back on that. Talk to me real quick, and then we're going to wrap up here in a second. But I do want to bring up too, of you being a woman in that's non-techie, a black woman, not techie coming from HR, wanting to launch this and going and standing in front of the typical VC. Talk to me about that real quick.

Amber Simon: 32:16

Yeah, I mean I've got the trifecta. I am a black woman, a non-technical black woman. Asking for money first To teach women how to have better sex, how to have more pleasure in their lives. So let's not forget the statistic to to a stereotypical middle-aged white male audience. And so all you white males out there who are considering giving me money just know that I love you, but the right thing is what I'm going to say.

Amber Simon: 32:47

But the reality is, black women are underfunded, let alone black women. They'll tell you, if you're in the tech industry, well, you need a technical co-founder, well, you need a technical this person on your team in order to be like viable for us to invest in. And so I plugged up, put my finger in some of those holes, right. But the reality is, you should be investing in us because we are in touch with the community, with with really good credit cards, with really good cash, right.

Mia Voss: 33:15

You know what the, the, the 85%, if not more, of overall buying decisions are made by women. Why that is not being hallowed, praised. You know statues being built, monuments, I don't know.

Amber Simon: 33:27

Here's the reality. I'm doing it right. We've got an MVP in Test Flight, the Co-operative App will be launched here very shortly and I've been fortunate enough to run into people across my journey who have been extremely helpful in helping me get to where I'm at right now. But the reality is Black women received last year 0.27% of the venture capitalist funding. Women as a whole, 1%.

Mia Voss: 33:54

Yeah, it dropped a little bit too, I think between like 21 and so between 22 and 23, so 20, I can speak for black women.

Amber Simon: 34:03

So in 2022, it was 0.35. In 23, it was 0.27. So we're going down?

Mia Voss: 34:10

We are, and that is, I will say across the board. I can't give you exact numbers, thank you for being so specific on that, but I know, uh, women in places of of authority, in C-suites there has been a drop in that. Because it's discouraging, because we're lazy or we're not doing it right or not putting it out there. I mean, it's exhausting to cross the T's and dot the I's and I know that especially too from what I've heard in the fundraising world, as well as the nonprofit world too, the questions that are asked of women when we are asking for money are not the same as questions that are asked for men. There's the assumption that the capability I love to call it the fail forward.

Amber Simon: 34:57

Yeah, fail forward.

Mia Voss: 34:59

I'm not going to do this, so I don't see the forward mediocre white guys, you know.

Amber Simon: 35:04

Stick your chest out like Chad and say I can do it. I will say I learned that lesson right. I'm going to stick my chest out like Chad and say I can do it and I have done it, and I know that many other women are capable of doing it as well.

Mia Voss: 35:21

It isn't Yep, it's an undoing of it, because you even mentioned that when you did this presentation at the at the school we're not going to name which one that the interesting difference in the questions that were being asked to you and and how how women were coming across as opposed to men, correct.

Amber Simon: 35:38

Yeah, and I think that they were being safe because in the environment that they're in and the mindset that they're in, and I understand it and I accept it. But it was interesting because the men were very much so gung ho and giving me that information and asking me these questions, and the women were very guarded and concerned about quiet and privacy, which is fine. You're supposed to be concerned about your privacy. You're supposed to be concerned about your privacy. You're supposed to be concerned about those things. But it was very much so along the edges of I want to make sure that the rest of the world doesn't know that I'm indulging in quiver and if I could, yeah. And so I just think it is so interesting how we have conditioned ourselves and I almost wanted to say it's okay, girl, come with me.

Mia Voss: 36:27

She's trying to like hide you, you're like no, no, no. This is that's the antithesis. This is the absolute opposite of it, too. Well, I appreciate this conversation so much and I just can't wait to see where you're going to go with this. Again, I feel the importance of this, especially in this time and age and what we're going through. I mean right now, today, this very minute of reproductive justice, rights for women, equal pay, equity and everything that's important like that.

Mia Voss: 36:58

This is really important for us to really to be so out loud and proud about our sexuality. So, yay, I appreciate it. So y'all go to, let's see we got Q-U-I-V-R dot global.

Amber Simon: 37:09

Yes.

Mia Voss: 37:09

Your everything across the socials, and then what's your website too, so we can make sure to get on the list for this app.

Amber Simon: 37:15

Yeah, so I will have to give you, mia, the link. So wherever this is posted, I'll give you the link to the wait list. You guys go, click on it, because you can go to the website, which is wwwquiverglobal, and there is a banner and you can click on that and it'll take you to the website. I mean not the website, the wait list. And I'll also just give you the straight link to the wait list because it's a doc, it's not an actual website, but I want to see you guys on there. And here's why because we're customizing content, so you're not going to see anything on there that has nothing to do with you.

Amber Simon: 37:47

I've already had three kids. I don't want any more kids. It's not even possible for me to have children, and so for me it was important to say no matter where you're at in your journey paramenopause, menopause, postmenopause, just your standard journey Maybe you are trying to get pregnant, maybe you are post-baby and you're trying to get back within your body, re-embodied, right, there is a journey for you, and that's what Quiver is about. We are taking into account the unique nuances of every woman's journey, and we're also suggesting to you toys and accessories that are, along your journey, specific for you. So for me I will never see anything about. Here's your belly band I will never see anything about.

Amber Simon: 38:31

You know you're trying to get pregnant If you're in menopause. You're not going to get any of that information right. We are customizing journeys for women and we're meeting you where you're at, so hop on it, engage with our events. We've got our sister circles that are twice a month, which it's really a safe space to women to talk about these things, to ask those questions and say I was today years old before I knew that there was a difference between my vagina and my vulva, so we'd love to see you there. No judgment, no fear, no shame.

Mia Voss: 39:02

I was also some recent days old when I learned that too. I appreciate it. All right, you all go check it out, Amber. Thank you so much, honey. I appreciate you. Thank you, my dear. Thank you all. Hey, thanks for tuning in. You can check out the show notes and guest links at shit. We don't talk about podcastcom. If you like this episode, please subscribe and give it a like or leave a review, especially if it's a good one. See you next time. Bye.